2016-07-27 It is our core that seeks affirmation.

Satiation by stroking brain-stuff wired to hot chocolate / beautiful gardens etc, is a minor part of that reward, and is reserved for asocials such as comfort-zone hermits, extreme discoverers and aspergers. (Yet parenting/education/culture have us seek these strokings as the majority of reward.)

That core is an unconscious model of ourself. Discovering the shape of that model is like googling – formulate an idea / action / relationship, and chuck it to your silent self for it to resonate (on the mark), dissonate (off the mark and ‘close to the bone’) or be silent (be irrelevant, wrong question).

Mainstream / conventional relationships are mostly about position and satiation, are external to self, about the lay of the land. They are less internal – about affirmation – so affirmation becomes accidental and incidental.

An essential relationship with a partner inverts / upside-downs all of this, and makes the environment and position and results incidental, and the process of engaging (in that environment) central. You pay attention only to how you discover self and other in the act of delivering that outcome and in that environment. To do this you start by paying attention to delivering, even more attention to noticing your (and your partner’s) blockages resistances etc, and turn all attention to them when they become sufficiently noisy and interfering that they become an issue in themself. At that point, ignore the environment and desired outcome entirely, and turn to explore that issue intently and brutally and with a surgeon’s eye for detail and an unconditional forgiveness in what comes up.

Actually and in the end the self’s noise is evaporated and the teamwork / partnership really begins – but this is a separate story.

(One of the outcomes is that “recreate me looking though your eyes looking through my eyes looking through yours….”)

But the bottom line for me is that no-one gets enough of EsSample to infect themselves with this inversion of everything within themselves. It’s weird that almost every aspect is promoted by some ‘enlightened’ outlook or another, but no-one has assembled it all together, or projected their outlook to an end state. It’s clearly not natural, not mainstream, but I am compelled to continue refine and complete it, and seek to communicate the uncommunicable.