Dear S,
What happened in me, for me, yesterday was that your words for D launched my unconscious into the same magnitude and shape of feeling. And when I (my conscious) asked what D filled within yourself, my unconscious (intuition, whatever) answered with those words “hurt, longing”, and released those floods of tears. I thought (my conscious, what I was aware of) that it was you and D for whom the tears flowed. I felt my response was so strong that there must be something I was sensing which I was unaware of, and it felt weird. Weird in how meaningful and felt it was.

The pbtears repeated each time I returned to the thread, as they do now, and I wasn’t understanding what was happening. (pbtears is my term for sudden eruption of fast sobbing coughing tears. Pseudobulbar was a word Google served up for sudden unprovoked bouts of laughter or crying, which was good enough for this purpose. I disregard the negative neurology).

I happened to wonder when I had previously had such a response. And I knew that the same occurs moved them for someone Z I’ve come to love this year. And when I returned to your words, I realised your words are close to what I feel about and for her. And I asked myself where the words “hurt, longing” came from. And I could deduce only that it was from my unconscious itself about me. I’ve deduced such words apply to me, but I’ve never explicitly spoken or expressed because I don’t directly feel them. But here was my unconscious speaking them, and erupting into tears.
So then I pieced together the story of what must have happened, and here it is below.

11 Oct 22, 3p.m.
I had already suggested “it’s simply reflecting and projecting something in me”, but even that conscious attention didn’t have the unconscious hesitate or reply “yes it is, dumb ass”. My unconscious couldn’t even pick up that clue, and continued its experience in independent of my conscious processes
(i’m only guessing. If this isn’t how it is for you, then it’s simply reflecting and projecting something in me. I haven’t encountered these tears without truth, it’s weird).
And my weeping continues. It’s weird, what have you touched in me?

I was aware that such tears come only in scenarios around the new loved person Z in my life , or my sense of ‘unconditionality’, or my sense of existence .
And then I noticed the four words of ‘Love and gratitude and excitement and hope’ were close to what I feel of that Z. And then I noticed longing and hurt sounded familiar too. And then I clicked.
My unconscious had taken these four words, connected with my internal avatar of that person, and identified the answer to my question (what’s the equivalent magnitude of need within oneself that such strong feelings could fit within and heal?) ” Hurt and longing “, and responded with those repeated pseudobulbar tears.

All this time, my conscious was focused on S with whom I was messaging, and it gave me no clue what my unconscious was responding to. My conscious continued to believe it was something in S. And connecting in empathy with that sense just produced more tears, so I took that as confirmation is that something important was within S.
But instead, my unconscious continued expressing its love for Z, and expressing the part which my unconscious felt she was fitting and healing. And (consistent with how right hemisphere unconscious works), it has little capacity for conceiving tangible object/entity/person, so could not and would not have named the specific instance of the cause. But would have let be known only the signature pattern (the model) with which it was attending.

In other words, the signature was love and gratitude and excitement and hope with Z, and they and she fill that part of me having hurt & longing. There’s undoubtably much more down there and inaccessible, but this one is biggest in me now this year.