The pithiest ones

June 20, 2015

blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light

the definition of anger is not getting your own way

fanatics express their innermost doubt

complaining is not taking responsibility

loneliness is not realising you are alone

unconditional love is not personal

only you are left when you drop the things you call yourself
… anything you can drop can’t be you…

stay outside your comfort zone
… discomfort is not knowing you’re outside your comfort zone…
… if you’re uncomfortable, do it some more…

an ego doesn’t know it’s fabricated
… nor does identity …nk

taking offence is you defending what isn’t really you
… being offended exposes the identity you haven’t identified…
… being outraged is taking offence on behalf of someone else…

being right obstructs

to want is to be unhappy

complete the things you repeat or avoid

see what it expresses and not what you see
… what you experience is the thing’s expression and not the thing itself …
… (ignore what you see, attend to what’s being expressed, and see more of what’s expressing it. sfa) …

why do you take your life so personally?

your awareness is unconscious …nk
… and your conscious is along for the ride

life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease

(A printed list was on my laptop lid for all to see during a year of seated laptopping & commuting on the London Tube, and no-one asked why)

… and all of those above are your jackal reference self usurping your giraffe inner needs
… “at the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled”
… “leave yourself out of the other person’s needs. they can live without you. all of their needs can be met without you.”      mr nvc

some new ones

Speak past the reference self, speak to the person beyond the reference self who is usurped and hidden by the reference self. And speak of things of value to that person, especially in a way that tells them they are not the reference self, and the reference self is not them.

I see who you feel you are (most deeply) and not who you appear to be (most shallowly).

There is no need to apologise, because it might be an exercise for the transgressed to get over it.

some old ones

Feb 1, 2019

Drop words that distance you from being here now – would, could, should and might. And the subjunctives.

Dependency and addiction are inverse of awareness and choice.

The more identity you carry, the less you will know who you really are.

… a complimentary journey

Dec 15, 2018

Avoid compliments having implicit or explicit comparison with something or someone or sometime which the complimented also values – because either the complimented or the compared are usually insulted.

Complimenting mistaken identity perpetuates mistaken identity – but perhaps you are only beautiful.

Complimenting your intention and honesty and struggle is usually complimenting your beauty inside.

Complimenting your beauty inside is affirming who you are finding you are.

Curious questions of their relationship with somethings and someones and sometimes is probably affirming who they are – recreating and journeying with them definitely is.

You cannot compliment someone’s identity – you can only affirm it.

Compliments without any of the above are just fans blowing hot air.

Dec 14, 2018

Socrates, Hitler, Pol Pot, Buddha, peasant, all of us: “everyone was doing the best they could, given the awareness they had at the time”. Only if we don’t settle for what we are aware of can it be said that we created choice over what we did and didn’t do.

The wisest thing you have heard may have come from a parrot.

(adding now, not saving for later)

May 17, 2018

Strong opinions weakly held show and grow more than weak opinions strongly held. jw.

If being offended is defending what isn’t really you, then indignation is compounding it.

When is the greatest affirmation to ignore (rather than acknowledge) someone?
When it demonstrates you tailor your response to the honesty with which you hold that person.

When is the greatest invalidation to acknowledge (rather than ignore) someone?
When the greeted person demonstrates that his/her self-value equates to the count or existence of automated greetings
When they fill space between you with their expectation instead of you.

An aphorism is a statement or observation whose ending demands a re-examination of all before it, perhaps more.

A joke has an outcome that has two mutually exclusive interpretations – it is the switching back and forth between them that pleasures our wiring and outputs laughter.

Aphorisms work like jokes, but instead it juxta poses two different truths or two interpretations, whose switching gives us surprise and forces us to twist our perspective to see both.

To receive an inner and untainted answer, the question must not press on the answerer’s identity.

Ensure the answerer’s identity feels safe and free if you want an answer without position or defence.

Ensure the answerer feels only support if your question presses on his/her identity.


September 3, 2016

Espousing principles is a flag declaring sores inside, or revenge seeking sores in others.

Principles are what you declare when you can’t really really feel what it is that is important, but do feel it’s real.

Principles are a last stand of a principled mind.

Principles are what’s left when the tide of ownership has receded.

“Love is infinite”. Nonsense.

Brains are as varied as faces, in particular their capabilities in cognition, modelling & action.

The feeling of certainty is from self and unrelated to knowing truth or fact.

Regulators must always be independent of the regulated, else moral hazard and captured regulators result in defeating the purpose of regulation.

The powerbase of regulators must not come from the regulated or their constituents, else moral hazard and captured regulators will not regulate.

Try asking the person behind you in the queue what is most important to them, and how they’d want it to work better – or how it broke. Indeed, why not ask everyone in queue at once?

When we stand together, why is it that we don’t explore what is most important to us? Is it because we don’t ask?

On the whole, men blunder on over their uncertainty, while women stumble over it.

The trouble with saying something is that it disrupts your capacity to listen and recreate what you hear

The trouble with saying something is that you don’t hear or feel what is behind what you just said

the last for a while

November 24, 2015

Self-existentialise: The practice of listening for origins in yourself of things functioning silently, of dysfunctions and discrepancies leaking out, and the practice of chucking things at each of them.

Models lie within minds. Minds lie within life, probably mostly self-replicating. Lifes lie within matter, probably mostly baryonic. But maybe there’re models in something mindless, lifeless or leptonic.

Personal love is ruthless to personal growth.

It is unbelievable how completely taken we are with this vehicle that carries us around – it’s only a thing with wheels and engine and a bit of steering, gas and brakes.

A better outcome of a question than an answer is another question.

A question to someone should encapsulate its own answer and its subsequent follow-on question – this saves at least one exchange for conversationists seeking to conclude or progress.

A better purpose of a question is to shift the perspective of the receiver – whether it shifts or bounces depends on the accuracy and delivery to a vulnerable presumption.

Judges sentencing by recidivism predictors are more consistent than their gut feel – especially before their lunch.

Railing against actuarial tables deciding human outcomes is usually avoiding responsibility of asking what does decide human outcomes.

The more judgement carried in crime prevention, the less it addresses the causes.

The psychopath in violence is condemned, but in corporate industry it is respected.

The more of you that is focussed on (the issue of) freewill, the less of you is available to choose.

If retribution was reserved for those that chose their crime, then few criminals would be punished – most would be prevented.

If crime was to be prevented, a crime prevention service seems more appropriate than a criminal justice system. Maybe even a criminal prevention system?

The extent to which things continue not to improve or work, is inversely proportional to our curiosity and questioning and being informed.

Only your kids’ domestics & innovators will not be replaced by robots – all other careers will be decimated by robots and redundancy.

Ask your kids how they will work in a future world of corporations employing 3% of today’s number – and that 3% is among 1bn jobs for 3bn people.

Negative social measures (violence, murders, teenage pregnancies, theft, law-breaking, etc) have an inverse relation to societal inequity. And to religiosity. Which cause and which correlate?

A significant part of anglo-saxon economies is vested interests preventing others innovating – with fabricated patent violations.

Who learns more that contributes to the future: Italy googling most frequently “how to have sex” or Norway googling most frequently “how to write a CV”?

The greatest loss of responsibility (and accountability) occurred with the legalisation of the fictional person in the shape of a corporation.

Personal love has no regard for, or interest in, its object’s personal learning.

To rail against actuarial tables deciding human futures is to deny our predictability.

Under what conditions will the prevalent & abdicating ‘each to their own [take on the world]’ become as unacceptable as ‘each to their own [take on barbarism]’

Choosing a lesser personal footprint between two paths feels lighter. It probably also means more ground covered with greater stopping power.

More to be bugged About

September 11, 2015

A subject is not interesting in itself – it is your relationship to what it represents that is how it feels interesting.

Finding something interesting means either you missed something, or it’s pleasurable compulsion. This gives you more choice in both.

To find something unexpectedly interesting is to be caught on the back foot.

A conversation is to learn of a subject, or the conversationist’s relationship to the subject and you – or indeed your relationship to the subject and them. Feel free to switch between them, but never mix them up – a subject and your relationship to it are as immiscible as oil & water.

Whether your fate handed you the body of a violent psychopath or a suicider, it remains your task to call on resources in you and others to manage it. But we are all culpable for not making it so.

Never confuse knowledge with wisdom.

Should sentencing be retributive, restitutive or preventative? Only the preventative way saves the most future vulnerable. And the future most vulnerable. And the most vulnerable future.

Politics makes sentencing retributive because it is expected that you vote with what your gut says now.

If they asked you how to vote for your children’s future, your children’d answer recidivist – recidivists are more predictable than their school grades.

Genes are predisposition more than predestiny.

A clairvoyant tells you a future path, but does not tell you how to navigate your daily life.

More of what no-one seems to get…..

September 9, 2015

It is a higher calling to cede initiative or ground in a relationship to the one with less choice about themselves – sad when neither see why, saadder when only one sees this.

A response to systematic torture is to internalise either of two things: either your suffering, and wound yourself. Or your identity, and put suffering outside, or beyond pillars of faith, anywhere but inside.

One who is kind effortlessly teaches us less about those that aren’t, than one who has battled to achieve it.

One way to hear beyond and outside yourself is to make your noise white. The other is noise cancellation. In both cases, you have to discern noise.

If a parent cannot discern a mind from an animal, how will they ever bring up a human?

The most convincing evidence for EsSample is being offended.

The odd thing about relating to your self is that it is silent, and lets you know by other means, and most when you let it be a silent partner.

Inability to reshape your identity is a disability.

Once a week, give a fiver to a stranger for an act of kindness – the searching will open you, the explanation loosen you, the game shift you, and the giving engage you both.

You don’t realise how much and how deep you have to let go, in order to see something for what it is, and not what you see it as.

Your noise is why you only hear yourself.

If teaching someone to fish was for filling the body, then what is the equivalent that we learn to catch for fulfilling the mind?

It is a greater friend who sees when you learn more alone, and does not advise.

Complaining is accepting no responsibility, guilt is not accepting responsibility for no action, and accepting responsibility without action is equanimity – especially in the presence of passionate outrage.

Accepting responsibility is accepting the worst and the best outcomes from this planet and its persons, and not blaming our representatives or ourselves.

There is more human condition in one who has battled to achieve an act of giving, than one who gives effortlessly.

Who are the parties in you that battle before letting you express kindness to a stranger?

What inside you has you fear the risk and embarrassment of supporting a stranger in public, and what wants the affirmation and reciprocation – and what wins?

Should you spend yourself engaging the person before you, or the systems behind that fail? One leads to the other, but the other changes more.

The more you want me (to be your way), the less you have of me.

The trouble with following a star, is that you neglect learning to navigate from your own landmarks and machinery.

Displacing yourself and following a star irons out your hindrances. But the stronger the star is that you follow, the harder it is to disembark when you need to change direction.

Two ways a society can operate positively: a benevolent and sensible dictator. Or after millennia of painful trial, error and maturing. Or a century when we determine to determine how we work.

It is difficult to leave alone something that works, when its workings are not what you believe works.

Better you learn to move with your own mind and working here now, than be pulled by the star of a dream, vision or alternate world.

There are three ways to release your perspective and seeing, someplaces called enlightenment. Follow a star with a different perspective, disembark, discover and experience your own. Practice distraction cancellation until you don’t distract your seeing. Or hands on engineering to cut compulsion, presumption and preoccupation from your perspective.

What is the hole in man’s mind into which a Maserati Quattroporte fits, and which part of it is shaped by woman followship?

How much caricaturing and bondage goes into praising your child “my princess”? How will she ever escape?

You’ll know the reward of your child handling a journey by asking of themselves and not you – it is the same on a journey of yours when you ask yourself and not your friends.

A commuter likes to travel, experience another culture, live in a native dwelling in Africa, bemoans western dullness – and doesn’t realise it is more interesting to ask fellow travellers how come they don’t.

You should fear neuromarketing – not because of the power it has over your consumption, but because of what it reveals you neglect.

You’ll know the reward of a friend coming to a good end of an emotional journey, yourself as a soundboard company – the same happens on a journey of your inner self with you.

It is irresponsible of us to be preoccupied with topical and tribal politics, and neglect the forces that directed you to attend to them instead of themselves.

How different the politics would be if we attended to what works in policies, instead of setting policies first.

I wonder if they have CAFRs in UK.

It is not sufficient that you dismiss heretical and alternative views of the universe because they are not the majority or reasonable – you have to engage enough to have an alternative of equal significance and impact of your own.

Prisons contain those who break other persons. Laws contain those who break systems. Social services contain those who break themselves. What do we feel contains us the rest?

a nutty set to crunch or spit out

September 5, 2015

How would you hold your younger self’s attention? Telling your younger self of facts and even your heartfelt lessons is what they were telling you then anyway.

A problem is a problem only if there is a solution. Otherwise it is a constraint.

It is shallow to have empathy with someone’s angst and pain – it is deeper to engage their insides to exercise that expression.

An action is a movement and pressure with direction and distance, source and target. If a desire or pain can be assuaged by an action that can be imagined, then even the innermost you can be described simply.

The seven primary emotions arise from taking life personally, while the seven primary affects are what give you life.
(But even the seven primary affects are mastered by outcomes from a self that is absent from those mainstream journals).

The less the cognitive capability the self has, the more the outcomes are what David Attenborough tells us. The greater the cognitive capability, the more the outcomes of a self are affirmation and discrepancy resolution.

Animals will turn off negative primary affects, and turn on positive ones, before primary needs – that sounds more self-aware than some of us.

Being blindsided by (the seven primary) emotions – finding it more suspicious than sufficient is probably why you are reading these.

Self transmutes from hardwired to blank slate in mammals, birds, perhaps cephalopods, and why not aliens.

How you see others is, of course, how you see of yourself.

Humour is transitioning between two different perspectives of the same thing by a cognitive route. Usually to one that is less expected and harmless, or more vengeful and harmful.
So a joke without transition is ambiguity. A joke with the same perspective is a tautology. A joke with different things is two facts. A joke without difference is repetition. A joke without a cognitive route is a magic trick.

A measure of the breadth of your view is not in its perspicaciousness, guruness or experience, but in the number of others it encompasses.

Problem-solving processes identify a discrepancy between what is and what works, and change what is.

What’s the landscape in your dog’s mind when it figures out another route to where it’s trying to get to?

“The purpose of science is not to analyse or describe but to make useful models of the world – and a model is useful only if it allows us to get use out of it.” deBono. The same is true of EsSample and minds.

A ‘relationship with yourself’ is where you notice yourself, or you sense a double-take, or you are touched by a former self. It is stillborn under preoccupation, presumption and compulsion.

Having a relationship with yourself is being immersed outside yourself, and having a perspective separate and different from your immersed self, and being able to attend to either.
So not being immersed outside yourself means nothing happens. Not having both perspectives is not a mind from Earth. Not discerning the difference is schizophrenia. Not switching perspective is constipation or diarrhoea of consciousness. Not having attention is unconscious. So most of us not attending to the difference are sleep-walking singly.

How often you notice something is how often your other self detects a discrepancy between an assumption and what just happened.

“Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers. Many people of average intelligence are skilled thinkers.” deBono

It is true that “You exist only in what you do” (Federico Fellini) in the outside world, but first you exist in the inside world that intends what you do on the outside.

For each fifth of these in which you sense an insight, you have probably doubled the number of perspectives and disruptions that you put to your mind.

Psychiatry attends to those with broken equipment, psychologists to those with broken patterns, counsellors to those with broken situations. No-one attends to us unbroken who blunder on unconsciously.

I wouldn’t be offended or outraged if my nearest and dearest, or the state, decided to euthanase me for becoming more pain than gain.

The nature of politics and faith is not to ask what works, but insists on something anyway.

Problem-solving seeks to change what is, while most of us settle for complaining how difficult it is.

The faithful have Abrahamic God on a range from pushing every quark to being an absentee universe law-maker, and on a range from your soul being Her to orphaning you in Her separateness.

The value of these statements are reduced by those that sound clever, neutered by those that are wrong, improved by the rest.

Newer brain processes are conscious-enabled, few older processes are retro-fitted and most are not. Self is ancient, so no surprise that we are not conscious of it.

Why is there only one monopolies commission?

Don’t you see that every aspect and detail of what you say and do matters because it reflects the diligence and care with which you hold yourself.

because we sit on the answers all day

August 28, 2015

The main significant and qualitative difference is that females are more sensitive to disgust.

The more you are rule-reader and arbitrator, and the less you are judge & executioner, the longer your rule will last when you are gone.

To have your way against a stronger or cleverer will, always distract and divert and never confront – this is always easier if you don’t bring yourself into the argument. (

Conscious is a passive receiver of leaked arbitration, and endowed with attention for park & recall to memory operated by the unconscious.

Our greatest gift is attention. Attention is the key essential in unwinding presumption, compulsion and preoccupation.

The second greatest gift is ‘mindful choice’, for which a ‘relationship with yourself’ is both the greatest asset and the greatest outcome.

The passivist has the same seeking outcomes for good of most and not for personal gain or identity, as the activist.

Saboteurs are persons who undermine and subvert processes and rules that create good outcomes, and are often unaware they are doing so – because they don’t see it that way.

Good outcomes are often delicate things, and come from ignorant and well-meaning contributors.

Passivists see fellow travellers on this planet as stupid because they can’t see and/or don’t care about what works for the benefit of all.

Why not build stuff in homes and schools and culture that prevent us being wound up in presumption, compulsion and pre-occupation?

Mindful persons are as outraged by saboteurs in asocial processes, as they are by bullies in the social process.

The chances are that when you feel you’re on a good run, you’re not asking questions that make the most difference.

why do these bother me, and why do i bother?

August 26, 2015

Me looking through your eyes looking through my eyes at you, so you feel what I feel you are feeling.

You can only feel when something touches or moves your identity – it is otherwise silent.

Love for a person hits the same spots as cocaine.

It is ironic that the most respectful and deferential persons help the least in having you reshape yourself before disaster does.

In a blind test, a half rotten apple is half good, usually.

Enlightenment and mindfulness are negligent on how you let go of your attachment to everything you do and express and have.

These perspective-bites are snippets of how you become separate from your stuff you didn’t know you had to.

The more you accompany what you say in company, the less you can see how it is received.

Imagine yourself inside out when in company – that way you are always presenting what is heartfelt and valued.

Disgust is an assumption that you have not interrogated.

You have boundaries and feel you should at least know why.

Why are you not curious about the boundaries everyone agrees you have?

You have to realise that most of what you feel comes from stuff that operates for you – the stuff that operates you doesn’t make you feel anything.

There is no limit to the nonsense you can fabricate and keep if you don’t express your insides to others

Disgust is what you feel when you won’t experience what is disgusting.

The more the caricature you see in an actors role, the less you learn from it – your discerning companions feels that about your performance.

Express your values with anyone anywhere to keep them clean

Disgust is one of the many feelings you retain until it is exposed by choice or circumstance.

Identity is close to your heart – unreachable, not known to your conscious, responds when used.

You assume what is yourself until it is unassumed by a stroke or TBI – why wait until then?

The more responsibility you take for you and living, the less you hand to God.

The purpose of the conscious seems to be to provide an actor independent from the unconscious, so the less it sees and is told the better

It seems that refining our models to snippets for park and recall was a pre-requisite to start language.

It is difficult to experience through someone’s eyes when you are still attached to yourself.

You know your holding yourself back is not the best, but you can’t grasp why

Your sense of right and wrong is your expression, but not your identity.

It reflects our priorities that we don’t know PLAY is more hard-wired than love.

Anger is not getting your way, and RAGE is a weapon.

Distinguish between your agreement in these phrases, from the rightness you sense in them.

Why let circumstances let you have what you thought was you – until your stroke or accident. Seize the moment.

Mindfulness is silent on how to engage your unconscious

How much of your sense of right and wrong do you feel was secretly implanted?

… and they don’t help you with the mountain before you

August 22, 2015

“Why is it that all the people who make me happy make me sad” Aaron age 4

To say this stuff is unconscious makes you less responsible than to say you are blind to it

When are you not assumption, compulsion and preoocupation?

Our unconscious is to us what only the left world is to those stroked with left side agnosia

Compasses don’t tell you the distance this journey is

August 21, 2015

Curiosity and humour are the only visceral sensations that include you – all others reactions do not

Curiosity is the only sensation that grows you beyond yourself

Don’t confuse the need to be loved with the opposite sex

Should we not rail against the unobservance and uncuriosity and indifference to this person we sit on all day?

Having curiosity is an indication of a person in change

When you apply the appropriate time, attention and self to something for someone, then you have no guilt or regret when it doesn’t work – heck, it enlivens you

The more you are a channel for a solution, the less you are an obstacle to it

Curiosity, creativity and lateral thinking are inversely proportional to exam success

Fear of curiosity from intelligents inhibits useful curiosity from normals

You don’t notice what you are complete with. You avoid what you fear is incomplete. You leak lots about what you are uncertain of. These holes and bumps make you easy to read (when someone asks the right questions)

I suppose I should combat evil and injustice instead of asking how it is we don’t notice its origins or how to see it

Making space for curiosity and humour, in the face of deprivation and persecution, is the most fruitful way to build your sense of yourself

It is best to trick someone with their curiosity, into an experiment or expedition they wouldn’t undertake in their right mind

Curiosity is useful only if you let it lead you to an experiment or expedition

Deprivation does not prevent a child’s environment stimulating curiosity into learning through self-instruction and peer-shared knowledge

The most useful curiosity arises from not tolerating things that don’t add up

Female minds are receptive and male minds expressive – of what is a matter of heritage and choice

Your best contribution to the person you are with is to be a guide – selectively echoing back to them the two sides of the impasses they have set themselves. Or to laugh a lot.

i probably shouldn’t feel there is so much to say

August 20, 2015

It is up to us to change the unit of currency from financial to value

Why do you let your unchosen surroundings fill your attention, instead of choosing what you direct your attention to?

Do we borrow this planet from our children, or leave them what we leave behind?

The extent of a relationship between two minds is directly proportional to the extent of engagement

Schooling is shaping, while learning is unshaping

The question is how to entrust the kids and champions of learning so they outweigh the inertia and status quo of us unimaginatives

Metacognisers recognise that it is always – always – the representation, and not the face value, that is to be sought from the person before them.

The definition of politics is deciding without evidence – otherwise it’d be evidentics

Politics is like faith in promoting belief above evidence

Loss of certainty and privilege prevents us having the revolution that gives the world to our children

For these messages there is a scale to measure readers, from sympathisers to recognisers to metacognisers to metametacognisers

Marriage is one of many relationships that supports unpacking baggage so as to expose the more genuine person below, and affirm that new person. Anything else is missing the opportunity.

Surely the question you ask is how you extend your kids boundaries so they can master the space neither you nor your parents knew to give you?

Predators predate using their inherent and innate view to invade the prey’s space. Conversely, prey are invaded, and have no internal innate means of excluding predators.

Adolescence is an invented term that quarantines them from the shaping process which us mediocre lot inherit by default and not merit

We neglect ways proved successful in learning and welfare because we don’t ask what counts

The nature of politics is tribalism around generalisations, both from lazy, hasty or incomplete thinking

You are contributing to the demise of your child when you choose success in schooling and exams, above the opportunity costs they are

half a dozen every other day?

August 18, 2015

A way to solve a problem is to get a bigger one.

To turn tables on strangers that don’t play to the standard, identify their value and traction – the leverage – and weave it into the position you take. Drop the you and the proper and the moral and the debt and authority.

The further inside you focus in your conversationer, the less you are distracted by what they say, and the more you are distracted by what they value

You are free in the absence of ego and assumption and compulsion

Privacy is a mistaken wall of identity

Your identity should be known to you such that it does not need privacy

A rider and horse is like you and your unconscious – except that the rider is blind so the horse does most of the choosing

To affirm someone, they have to see that you are accompanying that person through twists and turns that mean it can only be them you are following.

To turn tables on someone in your circle who doesn’t take responsibility, work out what costs them – the leverage – and weave it into your shared landscape. Forget your desire, what’s proper and moral, forget debt and obligation, and authority (which is the last refuge of the incompetent).

Deduce your assumptions about yourself from what offends you.

Accepting responsibility when it is not your fault, without feeling martyrdom or victim, is an interesting place to be

Never be the judge & executioner in a household – blame the paper on which the rules and sanctions were agreed at the start with all

You see the most of someone when you are not visible in the safe space you created for them to follow your questions.

Why does a person in authority dictate to another when the dictation is not in the subject’s interest, nor in the subject’s development?

To where must you move so that you are not offended by insult?

What precisely is outraged (in anyone) when someone leaves a mess for someone else?

How often can you teach more by leaving something wrong in public view?

Why do cohabitants fall out over levels of dirt tolerance?

How to spot someone with curiosity in their relationship with themselves in the crowd?

Are you your best company?

To affirm someone personally and deliberately, find the edge or boundary of their identity and traverse it with something. Something they can see and follow, and can see that you watch with care. Too much inside the boundary, and you offend or unsettle. Too much outside the boundary, and you miss the person and do not affirm.

Never confront, always distract and divert – the egos you seek to persuade don’t know they are obstructing

Watch what your mind tells you, and what it doesn’t tell you, of what’s before you

How to listen to what your unconscious is doing.

Being reflective company means that only your attention is present – hearing and sensing enough to stay on the leading edge of your conversationer’s attention in their story – just like surfing

It is only through cleaning our dirt and dissolving our resistance that we see movement and change. It is only in movement that we see ourselves – we are blind to things in us that do not move.

There is no limit to the beliefs and feelings you have when the world doesn’t match what your unconscious says

Why does a (more powerful) person acts on a (less powerful) person for their own purposes (and not those of the less powerful person)?

Everyone wants to be asked who they are.

How is it that everyone wants to be asked who they are?

Taking your turn to talk is the last resort in a conversation – it happens when you are unable to follow the movements behind the eyes of your conversationist.

Do you need privacy to prevent leak or theft of your identity?

Apply your best common sense to your day starting now, and feel how much of it isn’t

Your choice of role model depends on your view of questioning resonating with that person’s way of answering

A definition of learning is shortening the distance and time between an event and its consequences.

To follow someone, see behind their eyes where they tarry or avoid. Ask something different that does it again.

Some titles that lie between the boring stuff (hard work) and aphorisms (hard fun)

August 12, 2015

These are some titles. I have to transcribe a conversation on each one. I’m not impressed with their readiness for the job, but i have to start somewhere.

What are you most curious about?

Asking questions of your kid that grows a way of asking for them to use, and for them to ask of themselves and of their friends and of their authorities

How would you decide to buy or leave a box of eggs having cracked or broken ones, or bruised bananas (like the ones in your home fruit bowl)?

A mindful bigot is one who experiences his prejudices, with enough warning to have a choice.

It’s not your choice of subject that’s interesting or revealing, but your relationship to the subject

Is it only you and others in your world, or is it you among the others?

Ask someone “What question can I ask you that would reveal the most about you that you don’t want anyone to know?”

Only when you do something uncomfortable without discomfort do you have real choice in doing it.

Unconscious curiosity is a compulsion.

Don’t you feel a prisoner of your preferences when they limit your choice?

What question did you ask today that someone had to think before answering.

How do you move from taking an offence at face value, to asking where the offender comes from to offend that way?

How can you comfortably call out “good day everyone” in a busy London tube?

Ask someone “What question can I ask you that would reveal the most about you that you want me to see?”

Ask someone “What question do you want your most valued person to ask you that would reveal the most about you that they don’t get?”

Praise more how the conversationer learned, than what they learned.

Seek to praise the learning more than the accomplishing, usually.

Your feeling about your passion is more revealing than the passion itself.

Praise less the choice they made, more the choosing and how they learned to choose, usually

Affirm someone in how they worked with themselves to resolve something, more than resolving

Praise what the mundane of what someone chose to have, above the brilliance of what they are given.

Being comfortable with your discomfort in doing something uncomfortable – it gives you genuine freedom in choosing to do it or not.

When you sense things for what they are, and not what they are agreed to be, then rubber bands have a lot of uses.

When you want a glass of water for your outside rather than your insides, why sweat when you can apply it directly.

What interesting question did you ask today?

Why do some minds have a sense of what’s proper, and others don’t?

How disregarding your child’s interests enables you to see and show what works best for your child.

Mindfulness is a bigot feeling themselves have prejudice against the person in front of them, and watching themselves act with that prejudice.

How to attend to asking and listening, instead attending to answering

What’s the difference between a kid with curiosity and no prejudice, and another with prejudice and no curiosity?

The amount of effort in complaining and taking responsibility is the about same, but it is much less the real you.

You will find no self in one having unconditional love, and an incomplete self in one craving personal love

You will find the you remaining so much more you than the you you dropped – and which you wished you had dropped sooner

Listen so you can put your finger on something that helps someone see where they are and their way forward

The definition of stress is the distance between where you are and where you feel you (believed you) ought to be.

The greater the distance between where you actually are, and where you thought (and believed) you are, the more your wheels will spin

Affirmation comes when you find what moves the parts of you that matter, and leave what you were doing that didn’t.

How you re-connect to what matters to you (more often than not) is the result of arranging your environment and not yourself

Do you create space around you that forewarns you of your reactions and gives you a choice to ride or be ridden by them?

Why would you ever miss the opportunity to make a blind person’s journey easier?

Reward someone for the space and decisions they make for kindness, and not the kindness itself.

How does a victim express anger and outrage without compounding being a victim?

How to ask your kid what grew them today at school or friends or home.

How does a kid with wisdom and curiosity arrive to be so?

Fighting and despairing of loneliness incapacitates your mastery of moving from aloneness into company

Hanging on to the things you call yourself encrusts the you that you like more

How to ask your kid when they were pleased with themselves for feeling “OK” instead of “I want my way”

Do the things you enjoyed ever tell you what you enjoyed about them?

Identifying role models who build curiosity in kids is easier than converting one within a family or social group (where they have no builders of curiosity)

Why aren’t you your best company – you are after all your closest company?

How to ask your kid when they were pleased with themselves for being kind to someone instead of what the others were being.

Feeling abused means I haven’t worked out what hurts in me – my outrage shows me what I believe, but not what has been hurt.

The amount of effort in fixing loneliness is more than starting from being alone and working towards company.

There is no place for unconditional love while your seeking personal love goes unchallenged

You have always enjoyed you more when circumstances left the baggage of less-you behind, and leaving more of just you here now.

How often do you notice yourself as making up some of the rest of your world?

Are you a driver with your nose against the windscreen and little sense of the car being half the experience, or are you a driver with straight arms noticing how much the inside creates your world?

When did you notice someone pushed you into a smaller space, and you found an alternative to push-back and lash-out, or you didn’t?