This relates nonviolent communication NVC with EsSample, so repeats much of the parent page and description.

EsSample is the underlying frame and model of how we work. As a model for practice and living, it is usable only by those who already have a more distant relating with their identity. In other words, unless you already have a sense that your world is sensed through that model of yourself, which provides your perception, reception, conception, then the ideas in EsSample won’t have much traction. What you see and sense and feel will be inseparable from yourself, and so will all those others around you – you won’t have a sense that your reference self is just a model and a lens.

Casteneda’s warrior lifestyle also doesn’t have much traction for the same reasons, even though it is more practice driven and tangible.

Neither of those two provide any model of communication and negotiation with others.

NVC does.

NVC isolates reference self (ego, jackal identity) from whole self (giraffe) by firstly identifying judgement (which is always in relation to reference self) as ‘life alienating’ to the ‘whole self’. And secondly identifying ‘needs’ as ‘life enhancing’ to the whole self. NVC is strict in defining needs as unidirectional, unilateral, primary. In other words they exclude having another thing or person as an object or dependency within that need. (Having such a dependency would make them bidirectional, bilateral, secondary). In this respect, needs are simply expressions of desired states for the self, essentially not dependent on anything external to achieve.

(The published and practised NVC process for this differentiation, separation and isolation is OFNR (Observations, Feelings, Needs, Request). This is usually practised with the object which ’causes’ the negative Feeling. The Observation must be factual, tangible, and devoid of interpretation, evaluation and judgement – and therefore also of feeling. This places the triggering event into a shared reality as an unambiguous starting point. The Feeling experienced is employed as a signpost to the underlying judgement (jackal) and/or underlying Need (giraffe). These are two ends of the spectrum (of origin) are not qualitatively different – they both come from a part within us (on being ego/Jackal, the other being higher self/Giraffe). Both feelings occur when there is a discrepancy between expectation and perceived reality. Most negative feelings are ‘secondary’ feelings (about an object) when from some jackal judgement, but less ‘secondary’ when from giraffe need not being met (because the feeling is about a missing state of being). And the reverse is true, that most positive feelings are these secondary feelings having some jackal judgement, or giraffe need being met. The point of the signpost exercise is to always select the two expectations – one originating from ego/jackal and the other closest to higher self/giraffe – the latter is furthest from ego/reference self and closest to whole self. In this respect, you it’s sometimes useful to consider judgements and needs are within a single hierarchy – with the Giraffe need for connection at the pinnacle, and other giraffe Needs below that and supporting, and Jackal desires being in support below that (and supporting only a smaller part of self). So the exercise identifies the feeling arising from the lower jackal/judgement, and then identifies a higher giraffe/need – usually in the same vertical branch of the hierarchy. The emotion associated with the higher giraffe/need is always different, and so the process is to notice that the feeling from lower self (for example anger arising from not having the ego/Jackal expectation being met) transforms to some other feeling commensurate with the higher level need not being met (for example sadness at not having the needs expectation met). The fourth optional step (Request) is to make a request of a specific action (doable, tangible, measurable) that would result in a new observation – One that should occur further up that hierarchy.

This full-fledged four step process (OFNR) is the frame for all NVC processes. But greater focus and capability of the person(s) in NVC (or auto awareness) can obviate the requirement to do all four legs. For example, two persons may cycle through feeling and need, feeling and need, etc until their engagement or relating is complete, and may not need observations or requests.

NVC seeks to diminish jackal by pointing to its fundamental inherent contradiction – that jackal judgements result in a negative emotion (e.g. anger) which (when it is expressed) prevents the underlying need being met. “Anger is a tragic expression of an unmet need, an expression that makes it ever less likely to be met”. In practical terms, it treats Jackal as the incumbent being which the person must be weaned off, with whatever tenderness and bluntness is appropriate, to exist more as Giraffe. EsSample seeks the same diminishment of reference self, by saying it is a closed self-referential self-selecting model (bubble) that makes inaccessible (or subservient) the greater ‘whole self’ and the ubiquitous elixir of modelling (open self).

NVC seeks to promote the whole self (Giraffe) by supporting needs, including them as an explicit ingredient in communication and self dialogue, and making it the ‘goto’ alternative to Jackal. In a subsequent paragraph, EsSample also promotes the whole self and its other constituent (the right hemisphere open self).

(There are many other corollaries of Jackal & Giraffe in other enlightenment and awareness practices. Chimp & Human in the Chimp Paradox, etc)

(Marshall considers jackal as a way of thinking, inculcated and indoctrinated for the last 6000 years through the domination culture. He considers it more a process (habitual thinking) than an entity or identity. To the degree that EsSample and NVC seek to usurp the dominance of reference self and jackal, the difference is immaterial in most practices. In modelling and EsSample terms it’s easier to consider jackal as the reference self – an entity/identity that we take the perspective of, inhabit and animate).

‘Connecting’ in NVC is two persons interacting without the intermediary interference of jackal. The interaction is usually through Giraffe dance, which is alternating speaking in empathy and honesty focussed on needs. The movement of the dance is exploring and weaving through needs and towards their source (divine energy, see next paragraph). The definition of empathy is recreating (modelling) another mind, and taking its perspective, feeling and animation. Such recreating modelling demands the absence or minimising of our tangible self – specifically the jackal/reference self. Put another way, you must be absent in order for your empathy capacity (modelling capacity) to effectively recreate another mind, perspectivise, inhabit and animate. The definition of honesty is transparency of your whole self, which again means absence of that intermediary intervening jackal/reference self.

Marshall’s NVC model is that needs are an expression of the our ultimate source of energy and animation – a divine energy deeper within each of us, or simple ‘striving’ (Jeremy Sherman). EsSample would say that needs are the tangible manifestation of the whole self (without the reference self), in much the same way that secondary feelings and judgements are deemed manifestation of the reference self. In other words, the necessary frame in which the whole self operates shapes this manifestation as a unilateral, unidirectional expression like EsSample’s affirmation. EsSample says that such a frame is just another model, and that by necessity any models expression must take the form reflecting that model. So EsSample would also say that behind needs is that striving (Jeremy Sherman) which seeks affirmation. The level of needs and affirmation is much closer to the ‘open self’ of Right hemisphere modelling.

NVC promotes a practice of projecting perspectives of imaginary and real minds to decouple the owner from its jackal/reference self perspective. Wearing ‘jackal headgear’ is accentuating and exaggerating and caricaturing the jackal’s perspective and response (‘backwards’ for self-judgement, criticism, entitlement etc, and ‘forward’ for the same in the other person). Wearing giraffe headgear is also accentuated in and exaggerating and caricaturing the giraffe’s perspective of guessing needs in that projected mind (again ‘backwards’ and ‘forwards’ for the corresponding source). This practice is the most resonant aspect of NVC with EsSample.